I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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