my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
