The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
i now understand why vodka
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
