i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
