Got a toothbrush?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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