He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
They are going to name an STD after you.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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