Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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