drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize