Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
