I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
