This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
