put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Drunk is not a location!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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