oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
