is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
