it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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