his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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