i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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