I wish my penis had an off switch
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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