last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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