is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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