Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
