I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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