oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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