So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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