remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
