i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
