Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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