NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
