I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
