I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
