good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
