i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize