I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize