So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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