why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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