Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
