there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
