please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Sorry about my life...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
