wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
