Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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