I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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