Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
