This girl is more easily done than said...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
