so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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