my mouth tastes like poor choices
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
