Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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