the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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