She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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