I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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