so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
