if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
