I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
