Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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