I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
