i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
