her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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