I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
this beer tastes like vomit already
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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