I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
