It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize