just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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