There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
