just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
