Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
