Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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