im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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