He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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